1 week down, and 25 more to go.
I’m feeling pretty homesick.
I know saying I’m homesick makes me seem very emotionally weak.
I know saying I miss my mummy so bad makes you think that way too.
But I really do...
How is mummy doing?
Is she worrying about me?
Has she been taking care of herself and eating well?
Did I make her cry again?
The thought of her crying with no one to talk to about her feelings kills me.
How is papa’s foot?
Is it bleeding again?
I’m feeling very guilty these days for shouting at them just because I’m pissed, just because they don’t know how to use Skype/Viber, just because they don’t respect my privacy, just because I had a horrible day, a horrible childhood...
Scolding my mum just because I thought she gave my Blogger/Facebook/MSN/everything password to my siblings.
Sending me all the way here must have cost them a lot of heart and money, blood and sweat.
Instead of being appreciative, I’m being immature and spoilt, made my mum cry so many times, so many times...
I’m sorry, I really am, very very sorry.
I really miss Singapore food.
I’m eating the same thing here every single day.
Food here is so expensive, a bowl of unauthentic Laksa costs $10++
I hate eating stupid Tacos, Quesadillas and Pizzas that make my breath stink.
I hate paying for overpriced bullshit.
I hate having to eat canned macaroni, frozen pasta, fake noodles when I fall sick.
I really miss the REAL LONG noodle Ba Chor Mee, Laksa, Roti Prata, Hokkien Mee, Chicken Rice... so much.
I wanna go home so badly.
The 6 months seem so hard to get by.
I just want to get this over and done with soon ):
I miss the emotional support I get back at home.
People I can complain to, when I’m frustrated, angry and upset, close to tears.
Here, I still do get to complain but only receive a reply a long time later, over a period of days, only after I’ve been through the pain alone.
Here, I have no one to run to and to wail and whine to.
Here, I’ve to put up a fake self to act like I’m strong, not irritating, because really, no one here can understand how I feel at times.
Here, I feel so lonely, so alone... even though people I need are just few seconds away.
I really really want to go home now, but I’ve to hang on, like how I’ve hung on for the past 19 years.
And of all things, I miss you.
Though deep down, I know you don’t, as much.
Alright, goodbye for now.
Will blog in a few days, on my day off.