This post has totally no relation to my stay USA, just one on my usual rants.
Just feel like I needed to get some feelings off my chest.
Who else is willing to always be there to listen to what I have to say, other than my blog?
So if you’re here to read about Orlando, refer BELOWWWW (the next post).
Have you ever felt lousy because of your differences with someone else?
Well I have, let me elaborate.
Everyone acts differently, because we’re special, because we’re unique.
But differences often come as something negative in my case.
“Why can’t you just see things the way I do?”
“Why can’t you just sympathise and feel what I feel, understand what I’m going through?”
“And why can’t you be more sensitive, to how others, or how I feel?”
I know I think a lot, and maybe it’s just me being oversensitive to what someone, or anyone does.
I just don’t understand why some people just don’t care, as much as I do?
Do I, or anything else just mean less than how much you, or they mean to me?
Why do some people see everything as a joke all the time?
Why can’t they just take things serious for once, can’t they understand the severity of matters?
Is it just the emotional quotient of an individual, or is it me.
I know I over-think a lot, but it’s not that I want to.
And often when I get trapped in a vortex of my own thoughts, I really don’t know what to do.
I often sleep it away, but it’s not like my self-created problems would be solved once I wake up.
And many times, I just think more the next day.
I always want someone to turn to, but that makes me weak, it makes me over dependent.
I wish I could rely on myself, be as strong as the people out there.
I wish I wasn’t a pussy like this.
I wish I could be someone who doesn’t care, someone who won’t hurt from caring, someone... unlike me.
Monday, September 19, 2011 @ Unlike me.
@ Orlando.
Hello everyone, I’m now right here in Orlando, Florida.
I arrived on the 13th September, but only settled down now.
It’s really hot here, weather’s pretty much like Singapore.
It rains quite often too, and I haven’t bought my umbrella.
I’ve settled down into my apartment with Linus and 6 other people, 5 from USA and 1 from Puerto Rico.
The people were friendly but it felt kinda superficial, maybe it’s just me...
I thought I felt lonely in California, but right here, it’s worse.
Everyone from SP is scattered around 2 apartment complexes in different buildings.
I can’t use the wifi from my room here because it is said to be not working, which means I can’t talk to anyone outside of the States.
And all that leaves me with Linus...
Linus and I don’t talk unless there are other people around, which leaves me with... myself.
I know all of you are gonna tell me to make friends, but really, are these friends going to be people I can turn to, and tell them how I’m feeling? ):
Moving along...
I’ve confirmed my position at the Front Office of Coronado Springs Resort, a Spanish style resort in Disneyworld, finally.
However, as there were problems, my schedule has been delayed, which leaves me staying at home right now when everyone else have gone off for training or work.
And to make it worse, my training schedule clashes with my Collegiate classes which both run on Tuesday.
I’m in a dilemma as to what I should do now...
My financial resources are slowly depleting, which leaves me 1 option: cup noodles.
I’ve got little money to afford food anymore.
I don’t want to ask for money.
And to make it worse, I cannot earn the money myself (yet), to feed myself.
Life sucks right here in Orlando.
And I’m getting so frustrated over so many things.
I really... want to go home.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss everything else.
I arrived on the 13th September, but only settled down now.
It’s really hot here, weather’s pretty much like Singapore.
It rains quite often too, and I haven’t bought my umbrella.
I’ve settled down into my apartment with Linus and 6 other people, 5 from USA and 1 from Puerto Rico.
The people were friendly but it felt kinda superficial, maybe it’s just me...
I thought I felt lonely in California, but right here, it’s worse.
Everyone from SP is scattered around 2 apartment complexes in different buildings.
I can’t use the wifi from my room here because it is said to be not working, which means I can’t talk to anyone outside of the States.
And all that leaves me with Linus...
Linus and I don’t talk unless there are other people around, which leaves me with... myself.
I know all of you are gonna tell me to make friends, but really, are these friends going to be people I can turn to, and tell them how I’m feeling? ):
Moving along...
I’ve confirmed my position at the Front Office of Coronado Springs Resort, a Spanish style resort in Disneyworld, finally.
However, as there were problems, my schedule has been delayed, which leaves me staying at home right now when everyone else have gone off for training or work.
And to make it worse, my training schedule clashes with my Collegiate classes which both run on Tuesday.
I’m in a dilemma as to what I should do now...
My financial resources are slowly depleting, which leaves me 1 option: cup noodles.
I’ve got little money to afford food anymore.
I don’t want to ask for money.
And to make it worse, I cannot earn the money myself (yet), to feed myself.
Life sucks right here in Orlando.
And I’m getting so frustrated over so many things.
I really... want to go home.
I miss home, I miss my family, I miss everything else.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011 @ Homesick
1 week down, and 25 more to go.
I’m feeling pretty homesick.
I know saying I’m homesick makes me seem very emotionally weak.
I know saying I miss my mummy so bad makes you think that way too.
But I really do...
How is mummy doing?
Is she worrying about me?
Has she been taking care of herself and eating well?
Did I make her cry again?
The thought of her crying with no one to talk to about her feelings kills me.
How is papa’s foot?
Is it bleeding again?
I’m feeling very guilty these days for shouting at them just because I’m pissed, just because they don’t know how to use Skype/Viber, just because they don’t respect my privacy, just because I had a horrible day, a horrible childhood...
Scolding my mum just because I thought she gave my Blogger/Facebook/MSN/everything password to my siblings.
Sending me all the way here must have cost them a lot of heart and money, blood and sweat.
Instead of being appreciative, I’m being immature and spoilt, made my mum cry so many times, so many times...
I’m sorry, I really am, very very sorry.
I really miss Singapore food.
I’m eating the same thing here every single day.
Food here is so expensive, a bowl of unauthentic Laksa costs $10++
I hate eating stupid Tacos, Quesadillas and Pizzas that make my breath stink.
I hate paying for overpriced bullshit.
I hate having to eat canned macaroni, frozen pasta, fake noodles when I fall sick.
I really miss the REAL LONG noodle Ba Chor Mee, Laksa, Roti Prata, Hokkien Mee, Chicken Rice... so much.
I wanna go home so badly.
The 6 months seem so hard to get by.
I just want to get this over and done with soon ):
I miss the emotional support I get back at home.
People I can complain to, when I’m frustrated, angry and upset, close to tears.
Here, I still do get to complain but only receive a reply a long time later, over a period of days, only after I’ve been through the pain alone.
Here, I have no one to run to and to wail and whine to.
Here, I’ve to put up a fake self to act like I’m strong, not irritating, because really, no one here can understand how I feel at times.
Here, I feel so lonely, so alone... even though people I need are just few seconds away.
I really really want to go home now, but I’ve to hang on, like how I’ve hung on for the past 19 years.
And of all things, I miss you.
Though deep down, I know you don’t, as much.
Alright, goodbye for now.
Will blog in a few days, on my day off.
I’m feeling pretty homesick.
I know saying I’m homesick makes me seem very emotionally weak.
I know saying I miss my mummy so bad makes you think that way too.
But I really do...
How is mummy doing?
Is she worrying about me?
Has she been taking care of herself and eating well?
Did I make her cry again?
The thought of her crying with no one to talk to about her feelings kills me.
How is papa’s foot?
Is it bleeding again?
I’m feeling very guilty these days for shouting at them just because I’m pissed, just because they don’t know how to use Skype/Viber, just because they don’t respect my privacy, just because I had a horrible day, a horrible childhood...
Scolding my mum just because I thought she gave my Blogger/Facebook/MSN/everything password to my siblings.
Sending me all the way here must have cost them a lot of heart and money, blood and sweat.
Instead of being appreciative, I’m being immature and spoilt, made my mum cry so many times, so many times...
I’m sorry, I really am, very very sorry.
I really miss Singapore food.
I’m eating the same thing here every single day.
Food here is so expensive, a bowl of unauthentic Laksa costs $10++
I hate eating stupid Tacos, Quesadillas and Pizzas that make my breath stink.
I hate paying for overpriced bullshit.
I hate having to eat canned macaroni, frozen pasta, fake noodles when I fall sick.
I really miss the REAL LONG noodle Ba Chor Mee, Laksa, Roti Prata, Hokkien Mee, Chicken Rice... so much.
I wanna go home so badly.
The 6 months seem so hard to get by.
I just want to get this over and done with soon ):
I miss the emotional support I get back at home.
People I can complain to, when I’m frustrated, angry and upset, close to tears.
Here, I still do get to complain but only receive a reply a long time later, over a period of days, only after I’ve been through the pain alone.
Here, I have no one to run to and to wail and whine to.
Here, I’ve to put up a fake self to act like I’m strong, not irritating, because really, no one here can understand how I feel at times.
Here, I feel so lonely, so alone... even though people I need are just few seconds away.
I really really want to go home now, but I’ve to hang on, like how I’ve hung on for the past 19 years.
And of all things, I miss you.
Though deep down, I know you don’t, as much.
Alright, goodbye for now.
Will blog in a few days, on my day off.
Thursday, September 1, 2011 @ (1) Internship - UCR Beginning
My first sunrise.
Hello guys!
I’ve been so jet lagged these few days finding it hard to blog.
I’m typing this blog in parts, using Microsoft Word to compile everything as I cannot find time to do one whole post at one time, given my tight schedule and tired body.
BUT ANYWAY.
Okay, moving on to what you were all here for...
I shall start with the airport send off.
I want to thank everyone who took their time off, coming to send me off, I really appreciate it.
Nevertheless, I want to apologize for not spending enough time with each individual groups.
I know that saying I tried my best to manage between groups isn’t good enough.
But I just want to let all of you know that I appreciate you guys coming down, and even taking time off to prepare gifts for me.
I’ve finished reading all the letters and scrapbooks and they really touched me, i swear.
I didn’t know (ok maybe I did) so many people cared and loved me.
It made me realise that you guys were always there for me, but I didn’t appreciate it or reciprocate.
Thank you for all the useful presents like recipe books, cutlery and coats, I will certainly use them!
So here’s the people I want to thank in particular:
1. SJAB! Thank you for all the massive gifts and touching letters. I don’t know why you bought underwear but HAHHA, thank you :)
2. Maximus! Thank you for the nicely decorated scrapbooks, I spent so long reading the scrapbook.
3. 04 Elites! Thank you for the tablepiece/card, very nice k, I will remember to put it on the table as decoration.
4. 04! Thanks for coming down and saying bye. :)
5. Daryl! Thanks for preparing the gummies and Singaporean stuff, I will eat them real soon! I really appreciate it and everything else.
6. Dickson! Thank you for the card and the Taiwan seal to “Light up my life” HAHAHA.
7. Sok Ling! For the handmade card!
8. And of course my family <3.
Here at California, wifi is available almost anywhere.
Unfortunately, the wifi in my room is not working.
Thus, I have to either go to someone else’s room or to the hotel lobby to use my computer or whatsapp/twitter, so pardon me for not replying/replying slowly.
The weather here is extremely hot and I can die.
It’s so dry however, that it is so hard to sweat, unless I go running, which I have, even though I’m STILL suffering from jet lag.
I have been attending classes these days, eating a lot and shopping a lot.
The food here is extremely cheap and in huge portions.
BUFFETS.
CHEAP ICE CREAM AT AS LOW AS $3.29.
NEVER SEEN CANTEEN FOOD THIS GOOD?
DAILY BREAKFAST!
And just so you know, I’ve been typing this blog entry starting 29th August, Monday.
And I’m STILL struggling to complete it ASAP.
Time here passes so slowly, especially in the day.
1 day here seems like 1 week back there in Singapore.
Luckily I have awesome people here too, to keep me company, to help me get through this.
The Americans are generally extremely friendly, even though my hypersensitivity could tell that some of them didn’t like us Asians.
But who cares what they think...
I’m really looking forward to go to Orlando, where I can start working.
And at the same time, I’m looking forward to go back home.
I miss the food back there, I miss the people, I miss everything.
Frankly speaking, I’m already sick of the food here.
AHHHH, I’m finally done with my first blog entry.
Will do another as soon as I can.
Bye guys, and I mean it when I miss you. ):