I don't want to feel so different from the people in my class.
Had this truth or truth talk today with my class.
And I spoke to quite a few individuals today.
I got to know other people better.
Yes, I know about the type of people they liked today.
But I noticed that everyone has someone to be proud of.
Someone they can proudly say, I LIKE THIS PERSON!
Or them, being proud of themselves by saying, I don't want a relationship now!
But who do I have to be proud of?
Or, what can I be proud of?
I'm just someone who doesn't know where I stand?
I'm too sensitive at times.
I'm even too insensitive at times.
I'm immature.
I'm indecisive.
I can't give anyone any sense of security.
I don't want others to know how weak I can be, but how can I deny that I'm not?
Sometimes, I feel upset, upset that I can't do anything about myself.
Upset about anything around me.
And I try cheering myself up, by just acting crazy, or irritating people.
But people get offended.
I apologise, sincerely, and I promise I won't do it again.
I want to stop fighting this war that no one knows of.
Sure, I want to win this war.
But right from the start, I've already lost.
All I'm trying to do is to get myself back up.
So what comes after that?
I don't know.
I know I'm stronger than this.
But others don't see it the way I do.
Hardly anyone knows what I'm trying to do, or even, why do I even bother fighting this war?
Everyone says I'm going to lose.
Sometimes, I've really got no energy to carry on.
Yes, call me childish.
Yes, call me irritating.
Yes, call me disgusting.
Yes, make fun of how ugly I am.
Yes, make fun of how sissy I am.
Yes, criticize me on how stupid I am.
Yes, say how much I can't do something.
Yes, tell me how malicious or fake I can be.
I know that I'm every one of these things above.
And of which, there are really a lot of things I can't do about.
Yes, I'm trying to change.
Changing into someone, who can't be anymore fake.
I feel exhausted, from the day, and from all this stupid things that are coming into my head.
Good night.
I will try to forgive and forget, even to those whom I really hate.
Don't bother reading, it's just thrash going through my mind.